We played a friendly yesterday, against Cologne. Before the game we were all hoping for some kind of slick, classy win, but we knew that we’d lack fluency, and the new signings would take time to gel.

Then we went in at half time 3-0 up and looking like Cazorla, Podolski, Giroud, and everyone else had played together for years.

It may have been against a second division German team, but Arsenal were really impressive, and it seems that for once our transfer dealings have paid off in a big way. Cazorla ran the show, Giroud could have had two or three, and Podolski actually got two, including a hammer of a shot from the edge of the box that made me squeal a little bit.

The second half was a bit dull, but Gervinho got a nice goal, and nobody murdered Van Persie and he clapped the fans so I suppose it was a success.

But you didn’t come here for a match report (you can watch the highlights though), you came here to have your dreams about prospective transfers crushed, the shards tossed thoughtlessly into the ether.

M’Vila’s M’oving

The president of Rennes told French TV that Yann M’Vila, a long term Arsenal target, a man who Arsenal had agreed a deal for but then pulled out for reasons best known to themselves, was on the verge of a move to an unnamed English club. Wenger must have changed his mind, decided that you can never have enough midfielders, right?

Well, maybe..

You see, as they like to do, Spurs are now interested in the Frenchman. It seems very likely that the team he’s moving to is Spurs. This worries me not necessarily because Spurs will now finish above us or anything, but that despite M’Vila wanting a move to Arsenal, we’ve ignored him, embittering him to the point where he’d join Spurs, keen to exact his vengeance.

Maybe I’m over-dramatising it. It could be Arsenal. It could be Chelsea. Hell, it could be Manchester City to replace De Jong. We don’t know. But don’t get too excited. He’s not really the defensive rock we’ve been led to believe, he plays as more of a box-to-box player and is by all accounts a petulant little brat. Like a defensive Nasri. But black and tall and MANLY.

Please, god, no, please, no.

I’m scared by what I’m about to write here, readers. Corriello De Sport in Italy are reporting that Arsenal could finally offload Nicklas Bendtner, to AC Milan. Fine, you’d think. Not so. Apparently as part of the deal, Phillip Mexes would move the other way. You know, their ageing, slow centreback who looks like the guitarist of a 70s rock band gone to seed.

Clearly Squillaci’s departure has necessitated Arsenal to sign another rubbish French defender. Then again, it’s just talk and might not be true. Probably isn’t, like most rumours. Bedntner to Milan does have legs on the other hand. That would be really odd, wouldn’t it? Him at Milan. His ego would actually destroy the space-time continuum, and it would be up to our hero Arsene Wenger to save reality as we know it.

I’m off to write the script for that.

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