Given the club has driven its entire fanbase to alcoholism, here is a list of which drinks the Arsenal players would be.

Arsene Wenger- Red Wine

French and sophisticated. At its prime, the best around, but the newer vintages pale in comparison. Been thrown out by the fans recently.

Szczęsny- Coors light

Nothing actively terrible about it, but has a long way to go before it could be considered a great .

Gibbs- Sambuca

There is a something very liquoricey about it.

Koscielny- Mulled Wine

Universally popular choice, hope to see much more of it around the Christmas period.

Mertesacker- Baileys

Slow moving, but gets the job done. Most enjoyable when mulled wine is nearby.

Monreal- Sol

Nobody’s favourite. It is hard to pinpoint its flaws; it just lacks anything to make it the best. Available in most places, but only when the first choice isn’t around.

Chambers- Becks Vier

Has the potential, but still somewhat lightweight. Nothing to stop it turning into something great.

Debuchy- Newcastle Brown Ale

Good up north, hasn’t been seen enough in north London

Wilshere- Stella Artois

Popular in England and stronger than it looks, lacks the sophistication and subtlety of others.

Ramsey- Long Island Iced Tea

All of the ingredients to make it lethal, has to be mixed properly, otherwise you end up with something that doesn’t know what it is trying to be.

Flamini- Special Brew

Does a lot of damage, definitely not to be trusted on the big occasions.

Arteta- Gin and Tonic

Smooth and reliable, even if it’s not the most exciting.

Alexis- Champagne

Expensive and brilliant.

Oxlade Chamberlain- Prosecco

Less expensive and less brilliant. Very similar to Champagne, but lacks that little bit extra to make it sensational. Highly enjoyable nevertheless.

Serge Gnabry- Lambrini

Is to Prosecco what Prosecco is to Champagne.

Walcott- Jaeger Bomb

A burst of energy when you need it. Rarely overcomplicates things, sometimes too straightforward.

Ozil- Scotch

The subtleties are lost on many, when you pay that much money for something, you expect to see a bit more.

Cazorla- Tequila


Giroud- WKD

Popular with teenage girls, not up there with the best.

Podolski- Absinthe

Not used very often, but packs a hell of a punch.

Welbeck- Apple Sourz

New and cool, but many wanted more.

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